Reviewed by Katy Killilea

What a disruptive shock of connection Hand Wash Cold gave me! Written by Karen Maezen Miller, a Zen Buddhist priest who is also a mostly at-home parent, there’s no chance I would have finished it if it were what it seemed to be: another pop-Buddhism mommy book. Based on its publicity, I thought it would be skimmable, maybe kind of cute, mostly a waste of time. I thought—best case scenario—it might make me see with new eyes that mountain of laundry that springs up beside the washing machine within moments of being eradicated or guide me past the itchy failure of socks loss. This is not that kind of book.

There’s no escape hatch offered here. No Real Simple-esque laundry-room photo spread or encouragement to hire a housekeeper so you can concentrate on your heart’s desires. Instead of carrying your mind away in a spirituality-laced haze, the book leaves you more than ever in your own home with your dank heap of towels. Which is chilling. Or nauseating. Or maybe calming. It depends on your frame of mind.

In addition to laundry, Maezen Miller also writes about marriage, children, dirty dishes, weeding, and leaf-raking: “I am unable to accept my MacArthur Genius award at the present time because I am scooping leaves from the pond,” she imagines herself saying as she rakes endless autumn leaves. This is precisely the prickly feeling I get while crouching to reach way back into the dryer: my real life—my MacArthur Genius award—is being held hostage by this blah.

And the blah takes up such a giant hunk of my attention. Maezen Miller says, “Looking for greater meaning in life, some people think that housework is beneath them. Cooking and cleaning are beneath them…Sometimes they seem so far beneath me that I can’t see the bottom.” For those trying to square the hunk of time spent in drudgery with the belief that their life matters, this book is much needed food for thought.

Author photo credit: Denise Lynnette Andrade.

The details:
Hand Wash Cold
by Karen Maezen Miller
2010 by New World Library $15

By Erin Barrette Goodman

A million moons ago when I was in high school (also know as the late ‘80s / early ‘90s) I went on vacation with my friend’s family. As we got off the plane a man in a business suit whipped out his cell phone and made a call.

“No phone call is that important,” my friend’s stepfather said, rolling his eyes.

I agreed. Absolutely ridiculous.

Fast forward 10-ish years. I’m in graduate school and my boyfriend (now husband) suggests that it might be a good idea for me to get a cell phone. For safety. I’m at school in the city. Often at night.

“It really would be a good idea,” he said.

I agreed.

And for a good long time that’s pretty much all my cell phone was. This thing that I drove around with in my car and carried in my backpack – just in case.

And then somewhere along the way, my mom got one. And my sister. And my aunts. And we all used the same carrier and cell-to-cell calls were free. And suddenly I found myself spending an awful lot of time chatting on my cell phone.

And I watched and laughed as my basic survival skills – like finding another person in a public place – atrophied.

“What did we do before cell phones?” we would laugh as one of us guided the other across a crowded room like an air-traffic controller. “Okay. Do you see me now? I’m wearing a red shirt. To your left. I’m waving at you! Yeah. There. Straight ahead. Okay. Good. I’m hanging up now.”

Absolutely ridiculous.

Every couple of years, when it came time to renew my contract, I would resist the lure of new phone with more bells and whistles. Text messaging. Photo-taking. Internet access. Give me a break.

I just want a phone. To carry around – just in case. To chat with friends and family. And to help me find people in public. That’s it.

And then a few years ago my husband got his first “smart phone” and I discovered the convenience of checking e-mail from anywhere. Pulling up weather.com to see if we had enough time to go hiking before the rain started. Taking photos of the kids and e-mailing them (right from the phone!) to friends and family.

But still I held out with my basic, phone calls only model. (And grumbled a bit when I caught my husband tinkering around with his phone during dinner or at family gatherings.) Until, finally, after being dropped and stepped on a few too many times, my no-bells-and-whistles phone was no more.

And as we started looking into options for a replacement, I found myself saying things like:

I guess it would be nice if it had a decent camera – you know, to take pictures for the blog and stuff. And it might be kind of cool if I could check my e-mail and the weather when I’m out. And I don’t think I’ll really be texting anyone…but a little keyboard would probably be good – just in case.

(You all know where this is going, don’t you?)

Ummm…yeah. I’m two months into my first super-duper, do-it-all phone and I LOVE it! Crazy love it.

I love taking photos when we are out and about and e-mailing them to friends or uploading them to facebook. I love being able to check my e-mail and send a quick reply from anywhere. I love streaming Pandora in the car. And popping onto my favorite blogs for some quick inspiration while the kids romp on a playground.

But most of all I LOVE texting.

I love sending random thoughts to my husband when he is at work without worrying that I am disturbing him. I love being able to send three words to my boss and have him understand that I’m running late but will bring coffee. I love coordinating potluck plans with our friends while shopping at the farmers’ market.

And I love that last week – after being out of touch for far too long – I started texting with my best childhood friend like no time has passed. Back and forth. Just a few words. Total silliness. Our own secret language. Like she’s right there with me.

Absolutely ridiculous. But oh my goodness…SO much fun!!

How about you? What is your relationship with hand-held technology? And how is it working for you? .

Erin Barrette Goodman is a writer, yoga teacher, community organizer and mother of two. When she is not working as the Marketing Director for Pat’s Pastured, a grass-based sustainable farm in Southern Rhode Island, she enjoys sharing her thoughts and photos (many taken with her fancy new phone) on her blog, exhale. return to center.

[Photo credit: John Goodman]

by Katy Killilea

What could be better for a worn-out parent that a sanctioned way to abandon one’s family? When my iPod morphed into a iPhone and my husband was able to call me while I ran, I realized the real reason why I love running. He called, his voice replaced Ira Glass’s in my headphones, and I cracked: WHY are you calling me? I am running. I am LITERALLY running away from home! (”Uh, I just wanted to know if you’d seen Jack’s cleats.”)

Of all forms of recreation, there’s no other that requires so little forethought/equipment/money, and that provides such a realistic facsimile of freedom. You’re alone! Running away from your house! All it takes is the desire to escape and legs. There are, of course, benefits to running other than freedom. But it’s not about blood pressure. The very best part is the act of actually running away—running away until you’re tired and thirsty and long to be back home.

The sanity-preserving effects of distance running, as well as other benefits (endorphins, general well-being, ability to eat large amounts without gaining weight) are dissected and laid bare in Run Like a Mother, written by two mom-runners—one ’s a hard core competitor (and she also happens to be a nursing expert), one’s not—who both find running essential to their well-being.

While the book has plenty of training information, which I would certainly consult if I ever were training for anything other than temporary escape, the juiciest, most important thing about this book is its discussion of why mothers run, what happens in our heads when we run, and how the day’s run changes everything else. It tells us why, for people who like running, a run makes the rest of the day feel easy. This book is also a lot of fun to read, with pie charts on what to think about while running (10% promising… for the fiftieth time, I’ll make better playlists and delete the tired songs today…2% There’s no chance it’s been 3 weeks since we got busy) and tart commentary on running bras and fashions. Running skirts are like…any other fashion that initially seems ridiculous but later trickles down to Old Navy.

Every mom who runs will find themselves in this book. Meanwhile, plenty of people hate to run but love yoga,  surfing, Pilates, or lacrosse, and I’m sure those activities work in people’s lives much the same way as running does in mine. What do you do to escape?

The details:

Run Like a Mother
by Dimity McDowell and Sarah Bowen Shea
2010 Andrews McMeel $15

By Kristen M Kardos

What makes a mother? For each of us, the answer is different.  For me, it began while carrying my babies for 9 months and then welcoming them into the world while holding them tightly. For my mother, it was waiting anxiously for months, hoping both parents would sign the papers, and then finally bringing her babies home.

I remember when I was a little girl, climbing into bed with my parents and asking to hear the story again and again: the story of my adoption.  “There was a mommy and a daddy who wanted a baby sooooo much.  And they saw this beautiful little girl with hazel green eyes…”  And so the story went.  I remember feeling so special and so loved when hearing that story.  That feeling has never gone away.  When I count my blessings, and there are many, my parents are among the first.  They have always offered me a safe, nurturing, loving home and welcome me to return home at any time.  In fact, my husband, son, and I spent two months living with them when we first moved to Rhode Island!  My parents supported me as I studied abroad, moved to the west coast, and settled in New York — although my mom cried every time I came home and left again.  I’ve always known how loved I am; and parents are still the ones I turn to in time of need.  My mom is there for me when I get sick (nothing cures me like her chicken soup!) or feel overwhelmed; and my dad still comes to the rescue when I’m having car problems or need advice.  I have the most fabulous mother and father.  My mother is more than just my mother, she is my best friend.

When I think about what makes a mother, I know it’s not about birthing.  It’s about making a child feel safe when they’re scared, being the person they can turn to when the world seems to be crumbling, giving unconditional love and being loved in return.

I also want to acknowledge the strength and selflessness of the birth mother.  I have never searched for my birth mother, but if I met her I would thank her for allowing me the opportunity to find such a beautiful home with two loving parents.

I share this because on Mother’s Day I celebrate myself as a mother, my wonderful mother who adopted me, and my birth mother who gave me away.  I want to tell the story of a well-adjusted, wonderfully happy adopted girl…so that all the birth mothers and adopted mothers out there might know that things can end happily ever after.

Happy Mother’s Day!

The following books feature kangaroo mamas, llama mamas, lamb mamas, bear mamas, giraffe mamas, lion mamas and “people mamas” too.

Plus, if you’re looking to read a story or find a gift perfect for Mother’s Day, any one of these marvelous mom-themed books makes a lovely choice.

Eric Carle’s book, “Does A Kangaroo Have a Mother Too?” poses an intriguing question to kids — and judging from these fabulous titles, the answer is a resounding: YES!

“Does A Kangaroo Have A Mother Too?” by Eric Carle (Harper Collins)
Eric Carle’s signature collage illustrations and fun read-aloud repetition combine to make yet another classic.  The book asks, “Does a kangaroo have a mother too?” and then reassuringly answers: “Yes, a kangaroo has a mother, just like me and you.”  The question is then joyfully repeated for each of Mr. Carle’s colorful creatures.

“Who Loves The Little Lamb?” by Lezlie Evans; illustrated by David McPhail (Hyperion)
Although visually very different, this book also uses a question-and-answer format to express a mother’s love.  “Who loves the fussy lamb?” it asks.  “Who loves the noisy bird?  Sing sweetly, please, you’ll still be heard.  Mama loves her little bird.”

The reassuring message for kids is: Even when they’re naughty or make mistakes, mothers love them just the same.  With gentle rhyming text and detailed watercolors, it’s a perfect book for bedtime, or anytime.

“Llama Llama Red Pajama,” by Anna Dewdney (Viking)
I just love the “Llama Llama” books.  That goofy-faced little Llama and his oh-so-patient Mama make a fetching pair, and Dewdney’s humorous rhymes and vibrant oil paintings are a hit with kids – and moms too.

“My Mother Is So Smart,” by Tommie DePaola (Putnam)
As a mother of two, any book that starts out, “My mother is so smart,” gets my stamp of approval!  Mr. DePaola (Strega Nona) offers up a sweet ode to the multi-talents of moms with one little boy’s recounting of all the great things his mom can do.  From sewing Halloween costumes to standing on her head, readers will sense the heartfelt admiration the little boy has for his mother, and will likely ponder and appreciate their own mothers’ special talents too.

Read more and find a fun craft project to make on Anika’s blog.

Anika Denise is the author of “Pigs Love Potatoes” and the forthcoming “Bella And Stella Come Home.”  She lives in Barrington, RI with her husband, Christopher – a children’s book illustrator – and their two daughters, ages 8 and 5.  Anika is also the host of Thursday morning story hours at Barrington Books.  You can read more of her children’s book reviews and story hour suggestions at www.bookmarks-ri.blogspot.com and at www.anikadenise.blogspot.com.  For information on her books, visit www.anikadenise.com.

Birthmother’s Day, started in 1990, is a time to honor mothers who gave birth and placed their children for adoption. Birthmothers who acknowledge the holiday do so the day before Mother’s Day.

In 2003, Coley Strickland and another birthmother founded Birthmombuds.com. It’s a site where birthmothers can support each other and find a variety of resources. Over the years, the site and membership have grown. Birthmombuds now hosts a yearly retreat the weekend before Mother’s Day. Strickland describes the retreat as a place for journaling, dealing with grief, making a craft, listening to speakers, and having a candlelight ceremony. This year’s retreat will be in Charlotte, N.C. If you know a birthmother, Strickland suggests acknowledging Birthmother’s Day with flowers, a card, or a handmade gift. If you are interested in learning more, check out birthmombuds.com.

Marcia Maynard is a former teacher and reading specialist. She blogs about preschool activities at www.readandraise.com.

“Motherbridge of Love” is an anonymously written Chinese poem that’s illustrated by Josee Massee. It links a child, a child’s birth mother and the child’s adoptive mother. The poem is lovely and heart-filled and shows the importance of both women in an adopted child’s life. Turned into a book in 2007, the story begins, “Two different lives shaped to make you one. One become your guiding star, the other became your sun.” Josee Massee uses soft, earth-tone watercolors to create a peaceful story. She connects the child’s lives by painting pictures of two mothers connected by a little girl.

The Details:

Motherbridge of Love
Illustrated by Josee Massee
Barefoot Books
Hardcover $16.99

Marcia Maynard is a former teacher and reading specialist. She blogs about preschool activities at www.readandraise.com.

By Katy Killilea

Rebekah Ham has beautiful hair. She’ll be shaving it all off this September with 45 other women equally devoted to children who’ve had cancer. She knows that a big group of women shaving their heads will raise money and awareness, and Bekah also considers it performance art. When 46 women get shaved in unison on say, Ellen or Oprah, it makes a statement.  And that is what Bekah’s group 46 Mommas Shave for the Brave has set out to do. While raising a million dollars.

When Grace Carey, Bekah’s younger daughter, was about to enter kindergarten, she started having powerful, nauseating headaches. She was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor and spent the next year in arduous treatment and recovery. Now that Grace (currently a busy Brownie and first grader at The Paul Cuffee School) is better, Bekah is committed to advocating for a cure. People ask her why—now that she is free to leave it behind—she doesn’t distance herself from the cancer world. Her response: “Children with cancer can’t advocate for themselves. Parents with kids in treatment have to focus on day to day survival. Parents whose children have died are coping with unimaginable grief. And, understandably, parents of survivors often need to run far and fast from the world of cancer for the sake of their families. People who can advocate have to step up.”

Women in the 46 Mommas are from all over the United States. (46 is not a random number—it’s the number of children diagnosed with cancer each school day.) Each of the 46 Mommas is, right now, in the process of raising $22,000 toward the group’s goal of a million dollars. For her part, Bekah asked forty friends to donate $40 each on her recent fortieth birthday. You’ll find her on Hope Street during the Hope for the Earth street festival on April 25th, raffling off the thrill of throwing out the first Paw Sox pitch of the 2010 season. She makes roses out of duck tape (when they’re not sold out, you can find them at Frog and Toad on the East Side) and a friend with a children’s book shop is contributing a portion of her profits to the 46 Mommas. Right up until shave-day in September, she’ll be working toward the $22,000 mark with gusto, creativity, and the attention of friends and strangers. Local businesses who would like to join forces with Bekah are invited to step right up!

Anyone who would like to contribute is welcome to do so, and more information can be found on the 46 Mommas team page,  the group’s facebook page, or on NBC10, in Bekah and Grace’s recent interview with health reporter Barbara Morse Silva.

The 46 Mommas are working together as part of Saint Baldrick’s huge fundraising effort, which gathers millions of dollars each year to fund research into children’s cancer. Oprah or no Oprah, 46 Mommas Shave for the Brave will be an astounding part of that effort.

Five of Rhode Island’s six gubernatorial candidates have accepted an invitation to participate in a forum on May 4th about reinvesting in women and families.

Moderate Party candidate Kenneth J. Block, Democrat Frank T. Caprio, the state’s general treasurer, Independent candidate and former U.S. Sen. Lincoln D. Chafee, Democrat and state Attorney General Patrick C. Lynch, and Republican John Robitaille have committed to participating in the forum sponsored by the Women’s Fund of Rhode Island and the Poverty Institute. (Republican candidate Victor Moffitt was invited but has not yet responded, the sponsors said.)

The event, “Women’s Policy Issues in Rhode Island: A Gubernatorial Candidate’s Forum,” was announced Tuesday at a news conference to highlight a new report that shows how spending cuts have eroded programs designed to improve the economic wellbeing of women and their families.

The forum, which is open to the public, will be held at the Lincoln School auditorium, on the East Side of Providence. Doors open at 5:30 p.m.; the forum begins at 6 p.m.

• To submit a question for the panel to, e-mail forumquestions@wfri.org by April 30th.

• To register to attend the forum, RSVP to forumrsvp@wfri.org.

Every year Rhode Island School of Design’s Office of Multicultural Affairs plans a week of programming that focus on women.

This year, Women’s Focus Week will include a film screen and panel discussion highlighting the topic of motherhood and the challenges women face in balancing work and family responsibilities. Given that many laws, organizational policies, and social customs in the United States still rely on a traditional family model of a stay at home mother and working father, working women—and especially single parents—face many hardships. In this series, RISD hopes to give voice to female artists and designers who face many tough decisions, including if and when to start a family while building a career, how to divide time between childrearing and studio practice, and the societal stigmatization of working mothers and women’s art.

I recently saw this film and although I relate to it in part because I used to make my living as an artist I believe this film and panel discussion will be of interest to any mother struggling to balance work and family responsibilities.

Film Screening: Who Does She Think She Is?
Wednesday, March 24, 6:30 pm
RISD Auditorium, 17 Canal St. Providence, RI
Featured Guest: Angela Williams
Free, Open to the Public

“From the producing team, that won an Academy Award for Born Into Brothels, Who Does She Think She Is? examines some of the most pressing issues of our time: parenting and creativity, partnering and independence, economics and art. The film follows five women artists as they navigate the challenges of making work outside the elite art world.” After the film, Angela Gonsalves (a performing artist featured in the film) will discuss her experiences and answer questions.

Panel Discussion: From Her Perspective: Narratives of Work and Family
Thursday, March 25, 7-8:30, Reception to follow
Chace Center, Metcalf Auditorium, 20 North Main St. Providence, RI
Free, Open to the Public

Guest panelists Mairead Byrne, Gail Cohee, Lucinda Hitchcock, Wendy Edwards, Deana Lawson, and Keita Turner will discuss how gender and parenthood affect career and family life, especially for women in art and design. The panel will be co-moderated by Jennifer Prewitt-Freilino, professor of psychology and Ariel Bordeaux, artist and mother.

Wanda & Daughters
Photo by Deana Lawson, MFA ‘04

Wendy Edwards, Brown Dept. of Visual Art

Mairead Byrne (with her daughters), RISD English Deptartment