By Jill Davidson

With the school year ending, many parents may be spending more time with their kids. And while their days may be filled with camp, playdates, classes, and more, and our adult days are filled with our adult stuff, we need to continue to cultivate the art of kid conversation.

Some families have kids who are naturally proficient reporters, but many of us have kids who are like my oldest son, aka “the vault.” With him, what happens at school (or camp or a friend’s house) stays there, unless and until we can get him talking about his day. So here are some tips from parents to get your kids to talk about what happened in their days, all of which we have applied with success to “the vault” and his brothers.

First, find the right time for the right conversations

If you make a practice of having family dinners, that’s a great place to talk. Car rides, walks, and playtime can also work. Find settings that make your kids happy, and establish the habit. And know your kids, and what makes them comfortable. Betsy Schwartz, mother of an 11-year-old girl, says, “I am pretty involved in my kid’s education, but I’ve never gotten a direct answer to ‘How was school today?’ I do get a lot of information at random times, usually in the car when I’m trying to get across a bad intersection, or when I’m trying to figure out what we have that’s edible, or other times when my mind is half elsewhere. Some kids find it easier to talk when the high beams are off.”

Marjorie Ingall, mother of two girls, ages 3 and 6, agrees. “I always liked that expression: ‘Shoulder-to-shoulder, rather than face-to-face.’ Sometimes the best and most effective conversations happen when you’re commuting, going for a walk, doing something else, and not having a Very Important Sit-Down Discussion.”

“I swear all our shoulder-to-shoulder conversations happen when I’m trying to parallel park,” jokes Kristin Courtemanche, mom to a 2-year-old son and a 5-year-old daughter. Communication with our kids happens when it happens, and that’s one of the real challenges of parenting—being in the moment when you need to be.

Get the conversation going in unconventional ways

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While we usually think of Snow Days closing schools in the Northeast, today, it’s a Heat Day!

Get your feet in some water, drink water, eat ice cream, eat watermelon, go to the movies — bottom line — stay cool and think of snow.

Turn to 10 - School Closings (click here)

Serious info about Extreme Heat Risks from FEMA (click here)

National Weather Service Warnings (click here)

RI Health Dept - Heat Recommendations (click here)

Today I welcome Erin Barrette Goodman, a writer, yoga teacher, and mother of two young children. She is the founder and director of the Rhode Island Birth Network, which promotes empowered decision-making during the childbearing years. Together with her husband, John, she is in the process of turning their 1.5-acre South County yard into a sustainable suburban homestead, which they’ve affectionately dubbed Nadalada Farm. When she is not writing, networking, or working in the yard, Erin enjoys arranging special dates to have fun with her children, husband, friends, and occasionally alone!

By Erin Barrette Goodman

When I mentioned to my husband, John, that I would be writing a column on dating for Kidoinfo.com, he was, understandably, a little confused.

I am, after all, a thirty-something mother of two young children, and my last official date took place over a decade ago.

When I clarified that I am going to be writing about family-friendly dating – the special things we do as a family and as a couple, with one or both of our kids, and with other families and friends, and equally important, alone – he seemed less confused (and a bit relieved).

My interest in this new world of family-friendly dating started a year and a half ago when my friend Julianna, an artist and healer and a fellow new mom trying to stay sane, invited me to join a small group exploration of The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron.

At the core of this twelve-week creative recovery/discovery process are two essential tools – daily journal-writing, or “morning pages,” and weekly “artist dates.”

The rules for the artist dates are pretty simple: Set aside one to two hours a week to do something by yourself and for yourself to nourish and feed your creativity.

Each week at our group check-in meeting, we shared a quick review of our date experiences, which included everything from beachcombing, window shopping, thrift-store treasure-hunting, tub-soaking, garden-planning, and tea-sipping, to yoga classes, dancing, cooking, and movie-watching.

As I went through this powerful process, I noticed that not only did I love my weekly (solo) artist date, but I also liked the idea of creating similarly nourishing, great-feeling “date” experiences with my children and husband.

And so began our exploration of family dating!

What makes a date a date?
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By Martha Iachetta

What’s dinner time like at your house? Fifteen years ago my graduate- level Family Counseling class sat in a circle answering that question– alternately cringing and laughing at the awkwardness, humor, longing, or strife within our descriptions of family dinners growing up. We realized how much information about connections, challenges, and responsibilities within a family can be gained with that one simple probe. A report I recently read on “The Importance of Family Dinners” by Columbia University’s Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) reminded me of that activity when its annual parenting study posed that question (and several others) to families around the country. The findings consistently suggest that regular family dinners are among the most effective parenting tools available for healthy communication and the prevention of adolescent substance abuse. Many parents intuitively strive to create that routine in their homes—easiest to do when children are young—and now there is proof that the effort is worth it.

What is so magical about a family dinner? I can tell you anecdotally that when the parents and siblings of an eleventh grader I work with in Student Assistance learned about their child’s extensive marijuana use, they made some immediate changes at home. When I asked the student whether or not family dinners were a regular occurrence, the answer was “every night.” Conversely, a middle school student who began experimenting with marijuana at eleven years old reports that his mother gave up on getting him and his two older siblings to eat together when he was in sixth grade. His siblings are regular marijuana users and their use took off that year as well.

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Claire Duckmanton, originally from the UK and a former East Side resident, lives in Seekonk, MA, with her husband and three children (ages 2, 8, and 13). Below she shares her experience as a Fresh Air Fund host family and her role as the local chairperson for the Fresh Air Fund.

A few years ago, my family and I moved from the East Side of Providence to Seekonk, MA. The time had come to give our growing family the outdoor space they really needed and wanted. Walking around Thayer Street and stopping for coffee gave my kids less pleasure than it did me! With the move came a sort of mid-life crisis thing. We bought a dog, a rabbit, and even six egg-laying chickens. My husband put his foot down when I talked about a goat. Our new home environment was everything we had hoped for, and it seemed selfish to keep it to ourselves. A friend told me a little about the Fresh Air Fund and I was excited to find out more. After some online research, we decided it was just what we were looking for—an opportunity to give something back.

The Fresh Air Fund has been providing free vacations to inner-city kids from low-income neighborhoods in New York City for over one hundred years. Families are invited to open their home and hearts to a child for two weeks during the summer. Once we decided to become a host family, our wondrous journey began. Our first visitor was Alsheek (in 2005), a nine-year-old boy from Brooklyn. He left New York on a bus with thirty other Fresh Air children, escorted by volunteers, leaving his parents behind at the city bus stop. Can you imagine taking a six-hour bus ride and arriving to meet a family you’ve never even seen before? Some of these children are as young as six years old. Alsheek quickly settled in and the fun began. It was wonderful for us to see Alsheek enjoying the simple things we take for granted like riding a bike, swimming, and going to the beach. Of course, it wasn’t all fun and games. The experience can be a challenge as the kids and families adjust to one another—my children struggled with Alsheek wanting to play twenty-four hours a day and waking them go swimming at 6:00 a.m. It took patience and understanding, but the rewards for all of us far outweighed any hiccups. We did not host a child in 2006 because I gave birth to my third child a month before the Fresh Air kids’ visit. Since then we have hosted Kyra, 10, and a young boy named David in 2007. And this year we are excited to welcome Kyra back for another visit. Children who are re-invited by host families may continue with the Fund until they are eighteen years old.

Four years later, and I am now the local chairperson for the Fresh Air Fund. I see my role as ambassador, publicist, and recruiter of families who are ready, willing, and able to make a difference in a child’s life.

If you would like to learn more, please contact me at 508-761-8242 or 401-301-4090.

Details:
Fresh Air Fund website: www.freshair.org
Trip dates this year for local area: July 10 – July 23
Deadline for applications: Early June
Application process: Interested families call Claire on the phone to discuss program details, followed by an interview in the family’s home. Families fill out an application, including four references, and undergo a background check. There are no fees. Children on first-time visits are six to twelve years old. Host families can pick the age and gender of the child they’d like to host.

Photo Credit: Claire Duckmanton. Top L: Kyra with Felix. Top R: Kyra with Georgie and Isabel. Bottom: Alsheek.

Neighborhood: Nayatt-Beach, Barrington

Kidoinfo: How long have you lived in Rhode Island?
PC: Three long, wonderful years.

Kidoinfo: What is your current state of mind?
PC: Swirling (getting ready for a science fair and I’ve not done much yet..ahhhh).

Kidoinfo: Who’s in your family?
PC: Ted — Man of Unbelievable Ethos; Slade the (currently practicing) Benevolent; Archer the Performance Artist (has indelible red scrawl on his face to show his school the look of ’surprise’); Babe the albino dog that looks like a pig, honks like a goose, and acts like a 95-year-old Irish bitty; Sketchy and Hoagie— the feral brother/sister feline duo.

Kidoinfo: What trait do you most admire about your family?
PC: We love to laugh deeply and think potty humor is incredibly funny.

Kidoinfo: What is your favorite thing to do?
PC: With kids — dance like a crazy person. Without kids — surfing. Someday with kids — surf.

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Home Work: Lessons from Work-at-Home Parents. This series of Kidoinfo interviews with parents look at how they manage to squeeze in work time at home (whether working for someone else or running their own business) along with juggling kids, home life, and childcare (or lack of it).

Maura Keating says,

We love UPPAbaby and we just can’t say enough nice things about the G-LiTE, their fabulously light umbrella stroller. So when I heard that Lauren Monahan, one of the company founders, was a mom who worked from home AND that she was somewhat local, I just had to know more. UPPAbaby is an American company— the strollers are thought up and produced in nearby Massachusetts. With three children and a growing, successful business, Lauren Monahan is an inspiration.

Kidoinfo: What inspired you to start your business?

Lauren: My husband had been in the juvenile industry for almost a decade and had experience in all aspects of product development, sales, and marketing. We had ideas about some terrific products that either weren’t being done, or were being done in ways we thought could be improved. I was supposed to be a silent partner, but just couldn’t keep quiet! My marketing and product licensing experience turned out to be a great complement to Bob’s expertise.

How did you start your business?

Lauren: Bob started by working from our house, but we quickly learned we needed to grow and add people and space, and he found it very difficult to work while the kids were nearby. We hired a director of sales (now a VP), and we just forged ahead from there.

How do you balance work and family?

Lauren: I spend the majority of my time working from home, although it’s hard making sure I’m focused on the business and still carving out enough time for the kids. I have a computer in the kitchen, so I’ll often check e-mails while the kids are eating their meals. I also work a lot at night after their bedtime. I have activities that I take the kids to where we participate together. The temptation of checking e-mail or using my cell phone isn’t an option on the ice at hockey or sitting in a circle at music class! Bob and I make an effort to carve out non-work time together. Whenever we’re home for the weekend, we’ll go out alone or with friends for date night on Friday or Saturday.

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Home Work: Lessons from Work at Home Parents. This series of Kidoinfo Interviews with parents is about how they manage to squeeze in work time at home (whether working for someone else or running their own business) along with juggling kids, homelife, and childcare (or lack of it).

Today Ilira, co-owner of Rag & Bone Bindery shares with Anisa Raoof of Kidoinfo how she artfully does her Home Work.

Ilira Steinman runs Rag & Bone Bindery with her husband, Jason Thompson, in their renovated mill in Pawtucket, Rhode Island. Rag & Bone is not just about selling books but about honoring the traditional craft of bookbinding to create a successful business that allows time for her family. The couple lives upstairs from the business with their two children (under seven) in their recently renovated loft.

Rag & Bone Bindery employs eight people to create a beautiful line of handmade photo albums, journals, guest books, baby books, and other fine bindings distinguished by their craftsmanship and enduring beauty. Their books, albums, and journals can be found in fine gift shops, stationery stores, photo studios, and galleries across America and beyond.

Kidoinfo: What inspired you to start your business?

Ilira: I come from a family of small business owners, so it always seemed like a possibility within reach to have my own business some day. I also found bookbinding to be an extremely meditative and satisfying craft.

How did you start your business?

Ilira: Shortly after meeting Jason (now my husband), I had to come up with a birthday present for him. After analyzing the implication of every possible gift, I decided that having recently returned from a bookbinding apprenticeship in Italy, a handmade journal was the best bet – I also liked the idea of the book as an empty vessel and it represented limitless possibilities (oh to be young and romantic again!). He was so taken by the book and the process that he started making books a few months later on his own. For five years, Jason steadfastly made all sorts of albums and journals while I labored away designing and sewing women’s hats. As Rag & Bone Bindery blossomed, we decided to join forces and make it the family business.

How do you balance work and family?

Ilira: When I am in the studio, I try to be very focused and driven so that I can play equally hard when I am with the kids. It isn’t quite so cut and dry since we live in the same building that we work in. I don’t mind that our family conversations often include talk of the business. It’s part of who we are and I think it is beneficial for the kids to know how hard we work and how rewarding it can be.

Please describe a typical day.

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By Jill Davidson

How we choose to be involved in our children’s lives constantly changes, and as our kids start elementary school, staying connected to what happens day-to-day can be tricky. Many schools have family organizations, usually called Parent-Teacher Organizations (PTOs) or Parent-Teacher Associations (PTAs), and they are a great first stop for parents wanting to stay involved in their kids’ academic lives. When your child starts school, ask if there’s a PTO or PTA, and get connected. Many schools have strong and active family associations; if your school does not, visit the national PTO and PTA websites, and ask the school principal and other families about getting one started at your school.

You will find, however, that involvement in a PTO or PTA is all about involvement! For many of us, with too many commitments and too few hours in the day, spending time doing volunteer work at our kids’ schools can be a tough proposition. Of course, the benefits of doing so are powerful – research overwhelming correlates lasting school success with family engagement, and it’s a great way to get a glimpse into your kids’ school lives. But on a practical basis, how is it possible?

Here are a few ways to participate in your children’s school lives that are relatively low on time commitment and high on value and meaning. I’d love to hear readers share their own ideas in the comments below.

• Read those notices that come home from school. Many schools rely on notices sent home to convey what’s happening; your children’s backpacks and homework folders can be the best source of information. Get in the habit of reviewing what your kids bring home each day. You’ll find out about school events, field trips, assemblies, parent workshops, and much more. Same goes for school newsletters, phone calls home, and email notices. A tip for managing the paper avalanche: give your kids an in-box somewhere in the house, preferably near where they dump their backpacks when they first come in, or where they do their homework. Then you’ll know what they bring home at the end of the day, and you can review it when you have a few minutes.

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By Nancy King

I discovered Brain, Child during a mothering class at Stanford University. This was no ordinary or practical class on how to properly bathe a newborn or the pros and cons of using cloth diapers; this was a class on motherhood viewed through the lens of literature. A group of twenty of so women gathered every week to discuss texts that ranged from The Price of Motherhood to The Nanny Diaries. I did not come looking for tips on what to buy or how to use it; instead, I was looking for wisdom, insight, compassion, and empathy. The transition to motherhood, for me, had been bumpy, and I was hoping to discover why—and what to do about it. The class turned out, in some ways, to be a lifesaver because it introduced me to a roomful of intelligent, curious women who were engaged in the same struggle as I. What’s happened to my life? Who am I now? Why do I feel so ambivalent about parenthood? (Or, as one classmate said during her introduction, “I’m trying to figure out how to pick up the shattered pieces of my identity.”)

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